i should have known better..

I didn’t know that thinking out loud could be so depressing. I didn’t know that expressing my feelings would be so painful. I didn’t know that building a fortress of good and endearing connection would hurt this much… I know it’s my fault to feel this way for you… I know its wrong…so wrong, for your type that leaves us hanging on the air but despite that I still feel for you, I still loved you. I thought well before having this feeling, with your kind, how can I have the assurance of you falling for me too? Cause with you I came to be me, you gave me light, you gave me a chance that we could be, you gave something that to hold on to, that our kind of love is possible…but that’s just me. Still I fell and you never even cared. I had loved you and that’s my biggest toll. Maybe I’m too dumb to cry & shed tears for you, I am but I will anyway.

break me free

Omigod I never saw it coming, i thought I was fine after all the drama we’ve been through, I thought I was done with you, but when I saw that letter written “iloveyou” I immediately got back to square one. I actually felt it. Like a stab of a knife that cuts you deep deep deep down triggering my subconscious thoughts, suppressed emotions that I still love you. I couldn’t take it, the pain, the misery, oh god spare me. These unfamiliar emotions are consuming me, overwhelming me… eating me alive. i’ve tried to hit my self, so much of the emotional torture I let physical pain strike me but its no use. I’ve cried so much now my eyes were like windshields. Rubbed out swelling, still I dug my face deeper as if I would want to erase my being. I found myself staring blankly outside my window with that familiar feeling I came to enjoy….. Emptiness. Maybe a song from Gregory and the hawk would share my drama and do so much. I know it would. Still I’m locked up with these emotions, shackled by this futile admiration. Break me free…. I beg you…. break me free….

yosi...

in the shadows of a moonlit sky i dwell, engulfed with these fumes i make... still i light another cigarette to comfort this tormented soul. as i walked i felt the leaves crushing, tearing, with every step i make i was one with the leaves... i walked towards what seemed so real, but it vanished, it vanished leaving me unaided with these wounds that scar my being. i am alone, alone with the darkness and the deafening sound of my emotions. with a lit cigar in my hand, i am saved... saved from the ill-fated misery that i am. only the tiny light of this vice gave me hope... for every smoke that puffs out of this fucking mouth, i felt the warm embrace of a love that could never be.

paolo naive