hurt

it hurts when we love somebody
because loving is a painful thing
that is its nature


today

even if we're not sure that the pain will pass

it has to be said



that our loving is hurting us

our loving is hurting us....

it begins - sam bradley

It begins

It begins like this
I want to live like this
You can work me down
I’m free

I’ll decide on you
When i can think for me
So it ends like this
I’m free

The candle light alone is burning
Its drawing me in
Talk it through
Well i could run away alone now the road is my friend
But i love you

Hold out your hand i will give you a symbol
Of not what you are what you mean to this simple man
That’s now who i am
Still your words can hurt me

Do i deserve abuse?
In my fragile youth?
I’m feeling wiser now
I’m free

The candle light alone is burning
Its drawing me in
Talk it through
Well i could run away alone now the road is my friend
But i love you

Hold out your hand i will give you a symbol
Of not what you are what you mean to this simple man
That’s now who i am
Still your words can hurt me

this is me' deal with it!

I’m sarcastic, a bully, I hit for no reason, I find laughter in hurting people, I find happiness whenever I cry and I never felt I belong. I find comfort through songs and nostalgic visions.

I have a way with words, I was bullied, I hit to seek acknowledgment, I hurt people to feel superior, I cry because I see the true me, I’m happy being alone and not having pretensions, I find comfort with other people’s lives… I wish to hide myself in the deepest part of my unconsciousness where it could no longer annoy me

Ang Pag-ibig Alinsunod sa Pakete ng Goya Chocolate

Malunkot magisa, maglakad ng mag isa,

di mo alam kung san ka tutungo,

palinga-linga... pag ibig… GOYA!

May puti, may mani, may pasas

sarap pakinggan??

Masarap tikman!

Matamis, maasim, maalat…

Teka diba Goya! Hindi naman sinabing pag ibig db???

Kahit alin pa man sa dalawa, masarap!!

Kung mapait ka lunurin mo ang sarili mo sa tsokolate,

baka sakaling tumamis ka!!!

Hahahaha nakakatawa

Pakingggan mo

Goya!

Goya!!! ………….

Goya!! Goya!!

Sana man lang ngpasalamat ka!!!

Di bale wag na mag alala Sumaya naman ako sa piling ng Goya!!!

Dahilan kung bakit ako tumatawa

Gayun pa man…nabubulok rin ang Goya

May expiration date nga db???

kaya ngayon binitawan ko na!!!

Puti, mani, pasas

Salamat sa tamis na inyong basbas

Dahil kahit na lunurin ko pa ang sarili ko sa inyo,

Kapaitan pa rin ang nadarama ko…

Siguro ngayon Panahon naman para sa …..

LALA (fish crakers)

reality

i felt it, like a hand

holding a heart,

determined to stop it's beating

it bit me

and it was real

i didn't realize

that blood was already

driping

its unfair because

i never saw

it coming

attachments of a false relationship

I was disappointed I thought we’re ok I feel sad because I looked stupid. I kept waiting and waiting. It was my fault to easily trust your vulnerability, now looking back you never really been true to me. I was there for you whenever you needed help, when you were confused, whenever you act out, whenever you’re lost, whenever you want to I was there for you. It just pisses me off that you didn’t respect me and as if you never really cared. This attachment of false relationship is killing me, I just wished that we never met and I never cared.

facts of my life

1.











































...

2. Week 29 was hell, fulfilling but hell,I have tested my faith in people, been pushing unpleasantness deep down just so I could go and face people with forced smile(cut me some slack, I smile genuinely, sometimes.

3. Feeling and Knowing that Newton's 3rd law is indeed a hell of a reality check.

4. The epic battle reigns once again, over and over again. What i want vs. what is expected of me.

5. Revertigo -- as Marshall Erickson kept insisting. I feel more of me when youre around, you keep reminding me who i am, and i become more me with you.

Boredom strikes and what better way to do now but to ESCAPE,...
DVD! DVD!


16.6.9

I'm a loser.

Spinning, spiraling down and then I hit rock bottom. I really thought that it would be dark but suddenly everything is vivid, acid green aura with a bright-neon violet lining. My mind struggled to comprehend every color that my eyes absorb. I tried to reach for it but it seems impossible. I was left there gawping at its silent lucidity, luscious, stunning and hypnotizing me with its brilliance. Its beauty is incomparable, with its brilliance I felt my heart throb in harmony with a distant thud. Electric, confusing, gorgeous then a sudden blank.


I woke up clueless, the rays of the mid-morning sun blinded the sh*t out of me. dizzily I worked my way outside, tripping on the poor coordination of my every step . It was quiet, the sound of nearby traffic caught my attention I spun around searching signs of any living organism

none

I was still in trance but the faint memory of last night slowly creeps and making it more real. As I suddenly gasp for air it all came rushing to me, like a collection of billions and billions of still images racing down for me to comprehend. It stopped on the image that I tried burying as deep as I can. It was so real now so clear, the memory of you seared in my eyes and then I realize

I need more pills.




LOSER
a short story
12.2.8
-nai-

MY addiction brought me to hit ROCKBOTTOM

Wikipedia gave meaning to addiction, as a term used to describe a devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination, it is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences. I can say that I have been a living proof to this. And I quote my previous blog “I am lost in the edge giving a reason to this. All I know is I’m addicted. And I don’t want this feeling to end yet.” I succumbed to its cheap thrills, the unexplained excitement the temptation. Like what I’ve said, I became addicted. I couldn’t sleep, I craved, I became irritable. There were a lot of questions running through my mind, I was quiet but my mind was shouting continually creating noises that I could not comprehend. Until I saw myself motionless staring blankly outside my window, I hit rock bottom.

I hit rock bottom in my futile pursuit over your love. This was one of the most painful and excruciating heartbreak. I was lost in between idealism and reality. I hate myself because I let you in, and I came a long way protecting my heart because I know if I came close to fall, I’d be hurt again, true enough I did. You came, expressed your undying love for me, for what? For a make-believe love? You led me into believing that you’d love me and its painful to see that you did not. It sucks because even before, I know you, because I was you, enjoying the cheap thrills of these so-called commitments, hook-ups or whatever brings. BEEN THERE DONE THAT, I could not get over the fact that my heart tore apart because of you. But there is one thing that I am thankful for you made me realize that I can open my heart again, that I am still capable of giving to this degree, for that I am thankful. Now that I hit rock bottom, there no other way but up.

ridiculously painful

I can feel every bit.

I can feel it radiating from its core.

I did not expect it but it happened, and it was painful.

I woke up the other day finding myself in a familiar position, my knees clutched towards my chest with my arms trying to embrace everything. I felt the pain striking, radiating and eventually beating together with my heart.

As I opened my eyes the sunlight struck me, the light that once gave me hope every waking day is now blinding me. It is pointless to fight the pain, the more I resist it, the more it throbs like a son of a b*tch.

There was a moment that I gave up, I can still feel it throbbing,

the pain numbs the pain,

and I was left staring blankly on the dancing rays of the sun, and then

I cant feel anymore.

vulnerable

2 years 9 months and 2 days since I last felt this feeling. I missed it. I miss the emotion it triggers. It has been ages since I let myself enjoy this. I've been consciously holding back because I’ve been hurt one two many times, sure I’ve had crushes and been infatuated but never to this degree that I am again willing to break the boundaries i so much put up for far to long to protect myself. Questions lingered, thoughts flooded and my heart pounded like a son of a b*tch just so to rationalize my renowned vulnerability to that so called "love"

Being anxious is an understatement, I tried my best to focus on other things but the thought of you keeps flashing in intervals every other second. I tried to sleep but I didn’t really sleep I was just in a sleeping position, lying making a series of suspicious sounds, staring blankly on the paint marks on my ceiling. My heart pounded, and with every throb I felt everything, the fear, the excitement, the anxiety, the hope. Every bit is piercing through my body. I am lost in the edge giving a reason to this. All I know is I’m addicted. And I don’t want this feeling to end yet.