i break in two over you (migrated post)

Your presence makes me feel I'm on some kind of drug, let alone your words, your touch, YOU.

I make you seem as if your some kind of fairy tale when in reality I know your not, nor ever will be.

More than anything I just want you to tell me you need me, you want me. I pretend as if your everything I need, every thing I want when really, I know, your not even close to this, Why do I always do this to myself? I just let myself up for a fall, over and over again, and each time I fall deeper. I see and know you say the exact same words to others as you do with me and it kills me. I try to pretend as if I actually mean something to you, because it hurts a lot less that way.

I pour my heart out to you bit by bit in pieces at a time thinking you'd get the hint but you reply with sarcastic remarks or ignore me half of the time, and then I think why do I even try? I can barely breathe when I think of you, you have some sort of power over me that you have no clue. You would make me or break me with a few simple words. You lock me up from being myself with others, you keep me a secret to everyone as if I'm not good enough for your big scene. Are you really worth all these tears? All this pain inside me? People ask me what's the matter? And I see a constant pattern, me saying nothing or avoiding them cause I know if I bring you up it will just ruin my day, and you'll be the only thing in my mind and how much it hurts. I'd say didn't us hang out? Us talking and everything that went on matter? I know you want him but how can you want him when all he does is to hurt you and keep you waiting? But when I think back to myself, wouldn't that be you in my situation? And I finally give you up and realize that it is not worth all of this, and that I can't do this anymore…


I am sorry I cared too much and that you didn't even care enough.



AFG Richland TX 12.11.03